At least I was being rela

I remember the days when I used to really hate myself I saw my self in the mirror and I just wished I was dead I really wanted to die. and like I dont know why I hated myself so much if everything was going great I was still thinking about ways I would die and I would actually hope some car would hit me and kill me while I was driving. now looking back I think like why did I hate life so much I had alot of things going right for me. I had a great bestfriend back than(yes Michelle I am talking about you lol)who was always there for me and like I had other great friends. my family was always close and many people cant say that. My mom I dont what I can say about her she is great I love her for everything I mean she might be the only reason why I couldnt end my life because I couldnt put her through anymore pain. Now I look at my life and I have all the same things I had back than and now I dont hate myself I actually do love life I havent thought about killing myself for a really long time I am in alot better place than I have ever been and I feel like things are just going to keep on getting better for me. I would like to thank everybody who has been there for me I really appreciate it and I know I was a very difficult person to deal with.

I am going to use all the lyrics from all the lupe fiasco songs i have been listening to try and explain

It’s so loud Inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said

Sometimes livin’ in a word like this,
It’s pretty hard not to go insane,
Not pretty if you don’t comply,
Pretty easy if you don’t complain,
Stand there like you don’t feel pain,
No tears in the face of defeat,
Pretend to the end that you don’t feel change,
Don’t admit it that your faith is weak,
Don’t say that you feel like dying,
Life’s hard that it feels like diamonds,
Go home, shit’s far too gone,
Much too late to even feel like trying,
Can’t understand what I’m saying,
Can’t figure out what I’m implying,
If you feel you don’t want to be alive,
You feel just how I am…

I’m on the dark side,
And you can’t come find me,
How? when it’s light all around you,
Yeah but it’s dark on the inside,
No win when it’s me against me,
One of us ain’t gonna survive,
My heart been broke for a while,
Yours has been the one keeping me alive

This world’s such a fucked up place,
My mind’s in such a fucked up shape
Everything down here sucks,
Maybe what’s up there is great,
We all gotta go one day,
I just wanna cut to the chase,
I wanna stop these nightmares,
I just wanna touch your face,
All you see is all my feats,
All I see is all my flaws,
All I can hear is all my demons,
Even through your applause,
All you see is all my flights,
All I see is all my falls,
All you see is all my rights,
All I see is all my wrongs,
Go on keep telling me to fight,

When I see my own self I wonder if we still see a light
We was tight seeing lights
Speaking right and breathing life
Now I see my demons and barely even sleep at night
I don’t get high life keep me at a decent height
As the old me I predicted all my recent plights
Exhausted. Trying to fall asleep. Losses at my recent fights
Burdens on my shoulders now, burnin’ all my motives down
Inspiration drying up, motivation slowing down

Seems I’m getting out of control
Feels like I’m running out of soul
You’re getting heavy to hold
Think I’ll be letting you go

Sometimes I feel like the world is against me
And everything that I’ve done before
I swear we used to be so pure
But we can’t be in love no more
Cause I don’t wanna fight this war
But when I put down my gun
I turn around and pick up one
This uzi weighs a ton, but I think I’m done

Have you ever had the feeling that you was being had
Don’t that shit that make you mad
They treat you like a slave, with chains all on your soul,
and put whips up on your back,
they be lying through they teeth
hope you slip up off your path
I don’t switch up I just laugh
put my kicks up on they desk
unaffected by they threats than get busy on they ass
see that’s how that Chi-Town made me
That’s how my daddy raised me

Girl I want you to know
I can’t get you out of my head

How’d I get in this
Maybe ‘was your hair, maybe ‘was your flair
Maybe it’s the heels and the way you wear
Maybe it’s your real and the way you care
You don’t care if I’m ill or a millionaire
The only thing that matters that the feeling’s there
Your smile is so bright it’s like a grills in there
High off life, don’t need a pill in there
You’re killing me, I think I need a will in here
Got me feeling real skills impaired
Hard to describe why you’re still in here

When the floor falls out
I’m a be there to carry you
And if you want that star
I’ll go get it out the sky for you
If you cry, shed a tear
I’m a dry your eyes
Just to let you know it’ll be alright

I’mma keep it cool, and I’mma do me
It is what it is and that’s how it’s gon’ be
Until I get there
And yeah I got flaws, I know I’m not perfect
But all ups and downs, will soon be worth it
When I get there

I cant let myself get hurt anymore I just cant I tell people that they dont deserve to be treated like that well that is true for me also even though nothing bad has happened yet. its not right to be liked because something else went wrong with anoother person. I shoud be liked by someone because I am special in that persons life and I help them become a better person and I make them happy but like why should I even risk it I mean all the time in the past I used to think that things were going to get better but they didnt I have to realize that I am not the right person for her because if I was than all of this wouldnt happen there wouldnt be anything to think about so just let them go.just be the best person you can be each and everyday and everything will be ok. dont let this bring you down you can help other people who are actually having real problems. so smile be happy evrything will be ok =)

To Every Man, Woman & Child We Want An End To The Glamorization Of Negativity In The Media/ We Want An End To Status Symbols Dictating Our Worth As Individuals/ We Want A Meanigful And Universal Education System/ We Want Substance In The Place Of Popularity/ We Will Not Compromise Who We Are To Be Accepted By The Crowd/ We Want The Invisible Walls That Seperate By Wealth, Race, & Class To Be Torn Down/ We Want To Think Our Own Thoughts/ We Will Be Responsible For Our Enviorment/ We Want Clarity & Truth From Our Elected Officials Or They Should Move Aside/ We Want Love Not Lies/ We Want An End To All Wars Foregin & Domestic Violence/ We Want An End To The Processed Culture Of Exploitation, Over-Consumption & Waste/ We Want Knowledge, Understanding & Peace/ We Will Not Lose Because We Are Not Losers, We Are Lasers/ Lasers Are The Opposite Of Losers/ Lasers Are Shining Beams Of Light That Burn Through Darkness Of Ignorance/ Lasers Shed Light On Injustice And Inequality/ Losers Stand By and Let Things Happen/ Lasers Act And Shape Their Own Destinies/ Lasers Find Mening and Direction In The Mysteries All Around Them/ Lasers Stand For Love And Compassion/ Lasers Stand For Peace/ Lasers Stand For Progression/ Lasers Are Revolutionary / Lasers Are The Future

I am going to the change the world I know I will I dont care who I have around me what challenges I would have to face I kow I will do it. I am not like anyone else I am a one of a kind person there will never be another person like me. I know I am going to change the way people think I will fix whats wrong with the things that are wrong with the world just wait and see I broke my chain are you ready to break yours

I will never forget what we used to be I will never forget who we used to be but we are growing up and we arent the same people that we once were but I still do care for you and I will always be there for you. We use to have something special that no one else could match but saying that I wouldnt change a thing I know I am wierd for saying that but I feel that way

I feel like I am a good guy I know I am not perfect and we all make mistakes but I feel if I just get the chance to prove myself than I know that you will think that all the ups and downs you have been through will be worth it I will treat you better than you ever have dreamed of being treated all I need is a chance open up your heart and let me in I promise I will never let it get hurt again